My husband and I have an agreement that I am now worried the judge won’t approve. We prepared the agreement ourselves and have a hearing next month.
Our situation is complicated. I work out of state and travel to Washington, D.C., every other week for the week. My husband works out of our house for a hospital — he has a high security system and cannot use his work computer outside of our house. We have two home offices.
Our son has one more year of high school. We plan to live in the same house, albeit divorced, until he leaves for college. I put a bed in my home office and have been sleeping there for the last six months.
Will this be a problem when we go see the judge?
While this is an unusual situation, it is not an insurmountable problem. Generally, when people divorce, the concept is to completely separate yourselves from that date forward.
Some judges put a lot of effort into analyzing agreements that come before them for approval and some don’t. Because you don’t have lawyers and you prepared your own agreement, the judge will pay more attention to your agreement than if you had counsel. The judge will feel more of an obligation to make sure you didn’t completely overlook something or create an inequitable agreement.
You just need to be prepared with what to say to the judge during the hearing. When asked about the arrangement, start by saying that the two of you thought long and hard about how to minimize the impact of your divorce on your son. Explain that neither of you are able to buy the other out of the house. If you have to sell, it is unlikely he could stay in his school. You should stress your ability to peacefully co-exist in your home for the next year taking turns caring for your son. If your agreement does not provide for a specific parenting plan because of your son’s age, be prepared to tell the judge your plan. It makes sense for you to be the parent on duty during your weeks in Massachusetts with your husband being the parent on duty during your weeks in D.C.
While your answers should satisfy the judge, prepare for that curve ball you will likely be thrown — what happens when one of you wants to bring a new partner home? The judge knows that is when your current good will unravels.