My husband took a new job that requires him to spend a week in Charlotte, N.C., each month. At first he left Monday morning and came home Friday afternoon. Then he decided it was too hard with the flight delays so he started leaving on Sunday nights and coming back on Saturday mornings. But now it has been almost a year and has evolved into his leaving early Sunday morning and returning late on Saturday night.
We have three very active kids so it is really hard to juggle the soccer and hockey schedules when he is traveling. Last month I found his personal AMEX statement on the kitchen floor. I noticed he personally pays for the extra two nights — he told me his company paid for the whole trip. I also noticed expensive restaurant charges on the Sunday and Saturdays.
He told me last week he is going to need to go down twice in some months to train some new employees. I’m getting suspicious. What should I do?
You should be suspicious. I almost guarantee he is going early and coming back late because he is spending time with someone else down there. I also do not believe that there is a need to train new employees. He wants to spend more time on his secret life and is looking for a way to do that.
You have a few options. You can hire a private investigator in the Charlotte area to follow him while he is down there next time. Give the PI the name of the hotel he stays at and the restaurants you saw on the charge card. PI’s are not cheap so be prepared to spend several thousand dollars.
Or, during his next trip, call him on Sunday. When he doesn’t answer try him again a few hours later and again until he does answer. Be prepared to have a frank conversation with him when you do reach him. Ask why he didn’t answer earlier. Ask who he was with when you called. Ask why he couldn’t answer in front of that person.
When he comes home, ask him to show you all of his AMEX statements. If he says he doesn’t keep them, ask him to download copies or to log into his account and let you look at the statements.
When you have satisfied yourself that he is having an affair, you need to decide whether you want a divorce or whether you want to try to save the marriage. While deciding, I suggest you move half of all the money in joint accounts to your individual name. That way if you decide a divorce is on the horizon, you have money to hire a lawyer.