Q. Our children have played club soccer since third grade.  Two of them now play in college and the youngest, an 8th grader, wants to follow in their footsteps.  Our divorce agreement prohibits either of us from signing the children up for any activities which may impact the other’s parenting time without written agreement of the other and goes on to say that such agreement will not be unreasonably withheld.

I re-enrolled our daughter in her club team following tryouts last spring.  She has played for five years, I didn’t think I had to get a new agreement each year.  He didn’t object to the tryout.

My ex is now refusing to let her play saying (1) it costs too much, (2) he did not agree, and (3) he is training for an Iron Man so he cannot get her to practices and games on his time.  He says his decision to put himself first is not unreasonable and that his father is getting older so our daughter should spend her weekends at her grandfather’s house while he is still around.

I am not going to unenroll her in soccer.  I would prefer not to have to cover the full cost and be solely responsible for transportation, but I will if that is what it takes.  What are my options?

A. You can either file a modification or a contempt action.  The contempt is usually a shorter process, but you may not win because the language is not clear and unequivocal.  Who decides what reasonable really is?  Just because we use the language does not guarantee every judge has the same definition of reasonable as every litigant when an issue arises.  A contempt gets you in the door and should result in a clearer path going forward.  You can modify language in the divorce agreement as part of a contempt action.  Given the chance, define which activities require new consent.  Some people state which activities children are currently enrolled in and specify consent is implied for those activities.

Before filing, find out how far out contempt matters are being scheduled for the judge assigned to your case.  Some judges are scheduling contempt hearings into January so if that is the case, file a modification instead so you can seek temporary orders to allow her to participate right away.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com