Q. My Husband and I have been married for 52 years. A year ago he left me for a woman in her 20’s. They are no longer together but I recently noticed he lists payment for third party expenses on his financial statement. I think he is giving her $5,000 per month. He does not want to pay me alimony because of our ages despite his continuing to work. Will a judge really say it is OK for him to pay her $5,000 per month and not give me any alimony?
Also my lawyer does not want to mention the woman’s age when we go to court. I think it is important – she is only five years older than our granddaughter. What do you think?
A. The alimony reform act cuts off alimony obligations when the payor reaches social security’s normal retirement age. The cut off occurs even if the payor continues to work. But if you do not and cannot work because of your advanced age and the decisions the two of you made during the marriage, you can still ask for alimony. That’s because “age” is a so-called deviation-factor. That means the judge can consider awarding you alimony so don’t waive your rights.
In order to prove your husband is paying his ex-girlfriend $60,000 per year, your lawyer needs to subpoena all of your husband’s bank statements from a year before the separation to now. Then you’ll be able to figure out how much he’s actually been paying his former woman friend. And, because you are still married, the money in the bank accounts are joint assets, so, in fact, you’re paying half that money! So, you should get the same amount he took to give her. By proving what he pays to his non-wife, you’ll send a loud message to the Judge.
Also consider asking for an alimony buy-out. Normally an alimony buy out would be calculated up through your husband’s retirement age. But you’ll have to negotiate when the alimony end-point would occur. If you two can agree on the buy-out number, you’d get that money tax-free in the form of a larger share of the marital assets. And a buy-out avoids the need for the two of you to go back to court when he decides to stop working. It’s understandable why you’d want to mention the age of your husband’s supposed former companion. But you don’t know if that age-gap would result in the judge awarding you more alimony. Also you don’t know if the judge’s spouse is significantly older or younger. You lawyer likely knows the judge’s reaction to that kind of evidence. Therefore, there’s likely a good reason not to mention the age differential.
Your husband will want to present himself to the judge as a good person. But his paying money to that woman – without a mention of her age – proves the old saying that a shiny apple can have a worm inside.