My ex has sole legal custody of our 5-year-old daughter because of our horrible relationship at the time of the divorce. We have come a long way in the communication department due to our respective new spouses. They seem to be a good influence on both of us. My current wife and I have a 2-year-old with a number of health problems, including two autoimmune disorders.
My daughter spends every Wednesday night and every other weekend with us. Last week, my ex, who has been keeping me in the loop lately, gave me copies of the registration forms for our daughter to start kindergarten in September. I was shocked to see a form indicating she has not been vaccinated.
Part of me doesn’t want to make waves because things really have been so much better lately, but another part of me is terrified for my daughter’s health and equally terrified of having her near her brother, who is already sick so often. My wife is so upset, she wants me to ask a judge to intervene. Would a judge consider this a big deal? What would I even file?
Vaccinations are getting more and more attention as reports of the resurgence of measles continue to appear. The short answer is, you are worried for good reason and the concern should not be taken lightly. You can go back to the judge with this. You would file a complaint for modification asking for joint legal custody of your daughter. This would give you the right to have a say in major life decisions for her — including whether to vaccinate.
You will need to assert a material change in circumstances. Recent knowledge of your ex’s decision not to vaccinate would qualify. That, combined with the better communication you and your ex have established over the years ought to tip the decision in your favor. But that does not solve the ultimate problem: If you get joint legal custody, you still have to have the fight about whether to vaccinate.
Don’t waste the good will you have built up. Call your ex and ask her to have a meeting with you and your daughter’s pediatrician to discuss vaccination. Bring documentation of your son’s illnesses and explain your concerns. See if your ex will budge on her position to get started on vaccinations before your daughter goes off to kindergarten to sit in the proverbial Petri dish all day.
If there is no budging her, go to court. Once you serve your modification complaint, ask the judge for a temporary order giving you joint legal custody and the right to vaccinate your daughter. I have seen this go very wrong for parents who chose not to vaccinate. Some judges will even change physical custody to allow the other parent to vaccinate the child. A drastic order like that would give you leverage to negotiate with your ex to protect both your children.