My ex was supposed to get remarried this summer. I agreed to give him his first choice of weeks even though it was my summer to pick first. He told me last week that his fiance’s father has cancer and is undergoing treatments so they are postponing the wedding. He is no longer taking a summer vacation and wants me to keep the boys the week he was going to take them away. I already scheduled a girls’ vacation with my sister, mother and aunt that week and am not planning to be here.
His destination wedding in Bermuda is now scheduled for the Friday after Thanksgiving. He is flying down the Sunday before the wedding and coming back the Wednesday after. Our boys are in middle school, and I don’t agree with them missing six days of school. I am also angry that he chose to get married out of town the day after Thanksgiving knowing it is my year to host my extended family for Thanksgiving and my year to have our boys.
I don’t feel as if I should have to cancel my summer vacation to assume his chosen week or miss out on my year for Thanksgiving or have the boys miss so much school. Am I being unreasonable? What should I do here?
There are three separate issues here — his desire to have you assume his summer vacation period, his desire to have your Thanksgiving and his desire to take the boys out of school for six days.
As to the first issue, he is being selfish. While it is not his fault he had to reschedule his wedding, it is also not yours. He needs to keep the boys that week and find something for them to do if he now plans to work all week. He cannot expect you to cancel your vacation because his plans fell through. Tell him to figure it out.
Thanksgiving happens every year, and your kids should be at their dad’s wedding regardless of where, when or whose turn it is to have Thanksgiving. Since going to his wedding would give him two years in a row, you can have the following two Thanksgivings in a row — maybe someone else in your family can host this year and you can take the next two. Fighting this battle would not play out well in court and, more importantly, would only hurt your kids. Don’t do it.
Finally, your kids’ teachers would likely give them assignments to take with them. Many people travel for Thanksgiving — your kids would be no different. But, if you are still opposed to them missing school, you have an alternative. Fly the boys down to Bermuda the morning of the wedding, treat yourself to a nice weekend and fly them home on Sunday evening. This would kill two birds with one stone — you would still get your Thanksgiving day with them and they wouldn’t miss school.