Q. My husband and I committed to an amicable divorce. We  reached an agreement for parenting our kids. He stayed in our home and I moved out close by to an apartment which I prefer because of the huge yard with accompanying maintenance. We split time with the kids equally and I continue to pay half the mortgage because we have not yet worked out the asset split or support. We did agree on the value of the house. My lawyer told me I have to continue to pay half the mortgage because it is a joint asset.

My husband fired his third lawyer and hired the fourth in July. He is also suggesting we choose a new mediator because his new lawyer does not like the mediator we have been working with for the last three years. His lawyer has been traveling or otherwise unavailable to meet with us and the mediator.

How much time is reasonable to expect his lawyer to become available and should I agree to change mediators? My lawyer is getting irritated by my patience.

A. Your lawyer is right to be irritated. Do not change mediators but, rather, authorize your lawyer to file for divorce on your behalf. Three years is not a normal period of time to mediate, especially where you continue to pay for half of his housing expenses. He isn’t paying half your apartment rent is he?

He is on his fourth lawyer because he is shopping for someone who will give him the advice he wants to hear.  He is also dragging this out, so you continue to pay half of his housing expenses.

Filing for divorce does not mean you want a fight. It does not mean you have to quit mediation. It does mean he will have to begin to move things forward. Once you file, timelines get established.  Disclosure is required and financial statements will be exchanged. A discovery deadline will be set and a pretrial conference scheduled. Your goal will be to finalize the agreement by the time of the pretrial conference date which is typically six months after you file for divorce.

Once he becomes aware that you have filed, he will have two choices, either commit to the mediation process and get it done or start discovery. If he does not re-engage with mediation quickly, your next step is to have the house appraised – three years later it is worth more and you are entitled to half the increased value especially where you continue to share the cost.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com