Q. My husband and I have three children ranging in ages from 4-9 and have always maintained a kosher household.  He left us and moved in with a woman who is not Jewish.  He will agree to maintain a kosher home during his parenting time if I move out of our home during his parenting time so he can move in which will allow him to continue to use our kosher kitchen.

The problem is he wants them half the time.  I am OK leaving every other weekend and going to my parents’ home but I cannot leave every other week for a full week.  Also, I do not trust that he won’t bring his mistress to our home.  He was very honest that he was choosing her over our family and our children are devastated and want nothing to do with her – or him at the moment.

Will a judge make him keep kosher when our children are with him?  If not, can the judge make me move out every other week for a full week?

A. If your husband does not agree to maintain a kosher household post-divorce, in my experience, a judge is not going to require him to honor that practice for the children. Neither is a judge going to order you to have a long-term nesting plan (the term for the parents moving in and out of the home), that will only happen if you reach an agreement.

The better question is – what is the appropriate parent plan for your children post-divorce?  The law says the parenting plan needs to be in the children’s best interest.  There is also case law that says if the status quo is working for your children, it should not be disrupted.  If you have traditionally been the primary caretaker, keeping that status quo may be in your children’s best interest – especially where he very openly left the family for another woman. Your husband’s choice has clearly created some damage to your children and they need time before he can assume he will have equal parenting time.

If you are willing to move out every other weekend so he will keep kosher during his parenting time, offer that but make clear he will not get a week on week off schedule right now because you do not believe that is best for the children.

Also, during the Get process, ask the Rabbinical Court for guidance on the kosher issue.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com