Q. My husband and I have been mediating for two years. I agreed to take it slowly because our kids are young and he has a history of severe depression. I’ve recently been feeling like I’m being too nice. I was always the primary parent, but got pushed into going back to work fulltime before I was ready. He moved out of the house on the condition he could have the kids half the time. He said this was doable only if I worked. So, I returned to nursing on a three-twelve schedule.
Recently, he told me his company health insurance changed and mine is better and cheaper so he insisted I provide health insurance for the family.
I have been pushing since September to put this all in writing and finish up the divorce. He keeps cancelling appointments with the mediator. I have been feeling guilty but finally called a lawyer this week. Her office looked at something online and said my husband filed for divorce the day before Thanksgiving asking for sole custody of our kids! Now I’m panicking and my appointment with the lawyer is two weeks out. Am I going to lose my children because I was trying to play nice?
A. Do not panic. You will not lose custody of your children because you went back to work or agreed he could have them for half of the time. If you went to court today, assuming you have not left out any important points like putting your children in danger in some fashion, a judge is going to look at what you have been doing and keep the status quo for the children – in other words, your current arrangement will be reduced to writing and made into a temporary order of the court. Then if your husband does not back off from his quest for full custody, the court can appoint someone to investigate the situation and report back on what arrangements would be in your children’s best interest before a judge makes a final decision. Historical parenting will come into play during that investigation, so your prior role is important.
I recommend you schedule a next mediation session and in that session tell him you know he filed and you know he is asking for custody. He can either fully re-engage in the mediation process now or you will file a counterclaim and you can move the divorce into the court process.
Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com