Q. My partner is leaving me for someone who lives in Pennsylvania. He wants to sell our house and move there by the end of the year. The complicating factor is our daughter. Biologically she is not mine. His first wife, who was one of my best friends, died a week after Alyssa was born. I helped take care of both of them after my friend’s death and our relationship grew from there. We have been living together as a family for 10 years. Out of respect for my friend, we never married. I also never formally adopted Alyssa because my friend’s parents felt strongly that they would not really be the grandparents anymore if I did.
Now that he is leaving me, he says I have no real rights to Alyssa and he does not need my permission to move. I am completely heartbroken. I have been her mother for all intents and purposes since her birth and my friend’s parents live on the same street as us. He is taking her away from every important adult in her life to go live with his girlfriend. Is there anything I can do to stop this?
A. You should file a Verified Compliant to Establish De Facto Parentage under Chapter 209C as soon as possible. This will allow you to formally become Alyssa’s parent in the eyes of the law. This does not automatically stop him from moving, however, so you should not tell him of your plans in advance.
Along with your verified complaint, you should file a motion to establish a parenting plan and a motion to prohibit him from moving Alyssa out of state while the case is pending. Schedule the motions for the next available hearing date. Then give the motions and the summons the court provides to you and a copy of the verified complaint to a process server to have your ex served. When the process server returns the completed summons to you, you need to file it with the court before the motion hearing.
Be prepared to explain to the judge the extent of your relationship with Alyssa, what you do to take care of her, how long you have done those things, and the reasons you never married and never adopted her. If it seems like the judge is going to let him move her out of state at the temporary order stage, ask the court to appoint either an ARC counsel (an attorney to represent her) or a Guardian Ad Litem to investigate whether such a move is in her best interest. Hire counsel if you can.
Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com
