Q. I have two children who are now 12 and 14. The parenting plan is not working for them. They spend one week with me and one week with my ex. It’s been that way since they were 5 and 7. My ex got remarried and moved out of town. She has 2-year-old twins who she currently stays home with. My kids don’t like the 40-minute drive to and from school during her weeks. My ex gives them a hard time about driving them places too so they end up asking me to drive them to things that they could walk to from my house.
My ex is not at all open to making changes. I suspect my child support helps her stay home right now. I am not sure I have enough to make a big fight in court — the kids aren’t really being hurt but I think it is ultimately impacting their relationship with their mom. They have been vocal about wanting to talk with the judge. Is that a thing? How can I get them heard?
A. The judge is not going to sit and talk with your children but there are ways to give them a voice. First you need to file a complaint for modification of the parenting plan. Your ex’s move 40 minutes away combined with the changing needs of your kids is enough to establish a change in circumstance.
Once you file the complaint for modification you have three options to have your children heard. The traditional Guardian Ad Litem route is an investigation by either a lawyer or mental health professional. The appointed person talks with your children, you, your ex and collaterals such as coaches, teachers, etc. The upside is the kids can speak their mind and it is written in a report to the judge, usually with recommendations. If your children are persuasive to the GAL, s/he will likely recommend a change to the parenting plan that the judge can, but is not required to, adopt. The downside is the process takes a long time, is quite costly, and there is no guarantee your kids’ wishes impact the outcome. If the GAL recommends a change, that often helps people settle.
Another quicker option is to ask for a Probation Interview of your children. In that scenario they meet with a social worker at the courthouse for an interview. They get to say what’s on their mind and it is reported to the judge without collateral interviews and without recommendations. It can be useful and is more cost-effective but may not be as helpful with settlement discussions.
Finally, you can ask for the appointment of an ARC attorney to represent your children. An ARC attorney is pro bono and will represent your children in the process, but this puts your children in the difficult place of having to litigate against their mom. Your ex will argue against this saying they are too young to decide.