Q. My Ex had cancer years ago and used a lot of medical marijuana. One of the reasons for our divorce was his carelessness with the marijuana around our children – leaving edibles on the counters near their snacks, etc. We had some very scary near misses. I learned last week that his cancer has returned. I feel terrible for him but I am also incredibly nervous his prior habits will return. He is remarried with two young children. And he has our teenage daughters every other weekend.
I am worried our girls are at the age where easy access will encourage experimenting. I am also worried for their younger brothers. I don’t know how to handle this without looking like a horrible person. I have been a nurse for years and have seen the devastating impact drugs can have on families. What are my options?
A. One option is to seek a modification of your children’s parenting time until your Ex is well again. However, that will not go over well with your Ex, your children or the judge regardless of your good intentions. There are better options to try first.
You need to have a very honest conversation with your teenage daughters. It would be best if you and your Ex can get on the same page and have the conversation together. Sit them down and explain that he is sick and that sometimes with this kind of illness, medical marijuana is a help. Explain that just because he uses it does NOT make it OK for them to try it even if it is out in the open or they find it. Tell them that any experimentation they may want to undertake would possibly harm their father because he would then not have what he needs when he needs it. Putting it that way will give them something serious to consider if they are tempted. Also explain the dangers to their developing brains if they use his medication.
Take it a step further and have a conversation with his Wife. There is a right way to give her a heads up. Don’t point fingers at him but, rather warn her that he was so sick last time he wasn’t always capable of cleaning up after himself and your children were finding his edibles around. That way it sounds like you are just concerned for her children and she will know to keep an eye out.
Also explain to your girls that while marijuana would be bad for them, it would be very bad for their younger brothers so it would be good if they can be extra helpful with their brothers while their dad is sick.
With any luck, you can all pull together and be the supportive team your Ex needs right now. But, if you have any inclination that the “right” way of doing this is failing, you can always ask the court to intervene – then you can at least say this was your last resort.