Q. My husband and I have been separated for five years. During that time, we lived separately, each paid half of our children’s college expenses and continued to contribute to our joint account which we both used to pay our respective living expenses. My mother died recently and because I was about to receive an inheritance, I filed for divorce. We quickly agreed to divide everything except I keep my inheritance.

We filed the papers and had the hearing two weeks ago. After the hearing, we left the court and went for coffee together. We have literally seen each other every day since.  During our five years apart, we each worked on ourselves but neither of us partnered with anyone else. It seems we just needed a break, and we are now really sad that we got divorced.  We want to take it slow to make sure we don’t make another mistake.

What is the best way to move on from here if we want to stay together and how do we do it?

A. The good news is you have a little time before you have to make a decision as to how to move forward.  I suggest you spend that time continuing to get reacquainted with your husband before he is no longer. Since you filed a joint petition and agreement, you have the added 30-day waiting period on top of the standard 90 days before you have to do something to stop the divorce from becoming final and absolute.

I suggest you and your husband spend the next month enjoying each other’s company and talk openly about the future of your relationship – is it a friendship or a marriage?  If you still want to remain married but have concerns about protecting your inheritance given how new the reconciliation is, you can take the agreed upon terms and turn them into a post nuptial agreement to give yourselves more time to figure out the future.  This will allow you financial security while you explore the extent of the relationship.  If it ends up working out, great.  If not, you can always start the divorce process a second time.

Assuming you want to follow my suggestion, you and your husband need to go to the court before the expiration of the 120 days and ask the registry staff to revoke your judgment.  You will be given a form to complete and sign.  Once signed by both of you, the judgment will be revoked and you will remain married – no harm, no foul.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. I just discovered that a teacher at my children’s middle school was charged with sexually abusing a child in another state about 12 years ago. I am unwilling to put my children through that possibility and asked my ex to agree to pay for them to attend private school. He refuses to contribute. He inherited a lot of money after our divorce but still pays the bare minimum for our kids while his new family live a much different standard, flying first class, driving expensive cars and living in a huge home.

I know he has the money to pay for private school for them and I cannot believe he would risk their safety by making them stay in public school.  Do you think a judge would order him to pay for private school?

A. In order to get a judge to order him to pay for private school, you would need to show a material change in circumstances.  Arguably, his large inheritance qualifies especially if he continues to pay the base child support established before his inheritance.  Presumably his inheritance is invested in some fashion which provides additional income to him, thus a review of the child support order is appropriate. I do not know if the additional child support would be enough to cover the cost of private school however, nor am I convinced a judge would deem your concerns about one particular middle school teacher to be sufficient to now require your ex to pay for private school.  But, you might be able to get your ex to voluntarily cover private school in lieu of your seeking higher child support and higher contributions to other things for your children.

If you cannot get him to agree to private school, there are other ways to approach the teacher issue.  You can check sex offender registries to determine if the teacher is listed.  If not listed, it may be that the charges did not stick. It could be a technicality, but it could also be the teacher was not guilty. Rather than pull your children out of school, disrupting their lives, you should get more information about the teacher to determine if your concerns are warranted and figure out other ways to safeguard them.  For example, take up your concerns with the school directly.

Then, of course, file for a modification to increase child support to proper levels based on your ex’s changed financial circumstances.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. I am representing myself in a divorce and trying to decide what discovery to request. Should ask interrogatories and admissions?

I don’t think we have any money to fight over but I don’t really know because he always managed the money and I managed the kids.  He is trying to fight me for custody of the kids and I think it’s really so he can pay less child support.

A. Assuming you have now completed the mandatory self-disclosure required by Supplemental Rule 410, you should have a sense of the financial picture.  If you do not believe what his financial statement, tax returns, bank statements and the like reflect, you can ask for more documents in a request for production of documents.

Interrogatories can be an effective tool in a parenting dispute.  If you ask open ended questions like “what parenting plan do you believe is in the best interest of our children?”  He should describe his proposed parenting plan.  Your next question would be ”why do you think the parenting plan you just described is in the children’s best interest?”  This should trigger a detailed response about how his proposal is good for your children.

You are limited to 30 interrogatories, so be careful in crafting your questions.  Subparts to questions count as a separate question.  Interrogatories are also useful in learning about his potential witnesses.  Ask him to name both his fact and expert witnesses and describe in detail what he expects they will testify to.

You can serve interrogatories and requests for admissions.  Requests for admissions are not widely used but are a highly effective tool. You write a short concise statement for him to admit is true.  You then build on that statement getting him to admit to additional details.  In a custody situation, you would want to ask him to admit to all of the things you do for your children.  For example, “Admit I make the children’s doctor appointments.”  “Admit I take the children to their doctor appointments.”  “Admit you have never attended a doctor appointment.”  You can go on and on with all of the things you handle for the children which show you are the primary caretaker.  He will have 30 days to either admit or deny each fact.  If he does not respond, all of the facts are deemed admitted so he cannot contradict them at trial.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. A nice family moved in next door last year and the police have been there a few times.  I did not want to be nosy but recently heard some scary sounds coming from their house when the windows were open so I called 911. I texted her later and apologized for interfering but expressed concern for her safety. She came over, arm in a cast and thanked me. She then told me what her marriage is like and how she recorded him once but when the lawyers learned she recorded him and this threats without his permission, she was told she could go to jail for wiretapping him illegally so she had to drop the case.  I am planning to testify about what I heard which so she has some evidence this time.

I am really struggling to understand how this woman’s husband can beat her up like that and she could be arrested for trying to get evidence of his abuse when he was threatening her. Is she right? Or was she just being bullied by his lawyers?

A. Unfortunately, the wiretap statute is known to be used against anyone who makes a recording of another person without the other person’s knowledge and consent.

Many people believe when their spouse is behaving badly, either in a situation of domestic violence or during a difficult parenting transition, the answer is to secretly record the interaction so they have proof of the bad behavior.  In an instance of domestic violence, such a secret recording has been used against the person making the recording because it is technically a violation of the wiretapping statute.  When that is pointed out, oftentimes the victim recants their statements or refuses to cooperate with prosecution of an assault and battery or withdraws their request for a restraining order to avoid getting in trouble.

There is currently a bill pending in the legislature filed by Senator Patrick O’Connor who is attempting to correct this problem.  Sen. O’Connor’s bill would provide a discrete carveout for recordings made to create evidence of threats, harassment or other crimes in relation to certain family law matters such as divorce, child custody matters, restraining order cases or harassment prevention orders. If passed, this new exception should have a real impact for some victims of domestic violence – particularly if they are able to record the abuse and threats.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. At our pretrial conference the judge got mad at my husband and I because we are still fighting about document exchange. I am not going to provide him with documents until he provides them to me. I asked first and he asked two weeks later so he should have to respond first.  Also, I gave him my self-disclosure on time and he still has not given me his.

He told the judge that I am welcome to go to his house to look at his documents there, but I am not setting foot in that house with his girlfriend living there.

Anyway, the judge appointed a discovery master and said she is not going to have a pretrial conference until we work with the discovery master and everything is done. Can you help me understand what to expect with the discovery master and how to make the process fast?

A. The court has the authority to appoint a special master to oversee pieces of litigation as may be needed. The discovery master can review the discovery you each requested from each other and your respective compliance to date with deadlines and the like.  Typically, you are each required to pay half of the discovery master’s retainer and fees but if the discovery master feels one of you has created the problem or is prolonging the dispute, they can shift the fees so that the problem party bears more of the cost.

In order to make this process go as fast and smoothly as possible, I highly recommend you look at the self-disclosure you provided and make sure it is clear.  In other words make sure your written statement lists out specifically what you produced in response to each category including account numbers (last four digits is fine) and exact timeframe provided.

While you are right that his documents should be provided first, you should have your response ready to go again with the formal written response spelling out each document you are producing in response to the particular category.  In this way you can represent you are ready to respond upon receipt of his.  And, the discovery master can easily assess what was produced.

You need not go to the house to inspect his self-disclosure and the discovery master should order him to produce those records right away.  You should ask that the fees be shifted to your husband on that point.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. My partner and I moved in together a year ago and recently put an offer in on a house which was accepted.  We are very excited for our first house and the first thing we want to do after moving is get a puppy. I have been on a wait list with a breeder. I am a little worried about what happens if our relationship does not last as long as our dog.  My cousin’s ex-husband was supposed to share their dog with her when they divorced and he never did.  Her divorce lawyer said there was nothing she could do and to just buy a new dog.

Is there something my partner and I can do now as we plan for our future which would make clear we intend our dog to be part of our family and treated as a full family member?

A. If you can navigate home ownership before marriage, you can definitely figure out dog ownership. The property laws have not quite caught up with the fact that people often treat their pets as members of the family.

Plan for the dog in similar fashion to planning for your house purchase/ownership. If possible, put the contract with the breeder in joint names so that both you and your partner are listed as the purchasers/owners.  You should equally share in the purchase price of the dog either with one reimbursing the other by check with a memo line which clearly indicates it is for half of the cost of the dog or some similar mechanism.  If an AKC registration is part of the purchase, register both of you as owners.

You should also jointly share in the costs for your new puppy including any obedience classes you take (and make sure you both attend), veterinary bills, pet insurance, etc.  Also, you should ensure both of your names are listed for all related portals so you can both log in.

If the time comes when you and your partner plan to marry, if you are doing a prenuptial agreement anyway, be sure to include a provision explicitly stating what happens to your current or any future dogs (or other pets).  It is far easier to deal with pets in the asset division piece of a divorce agreement than having to file a separate claim in the Superior Court. There is a case from 2024 that dealt with the issue, just Google Lyman v. Lanser dog case specific performance.

Bottom line, an agreement about sharing a dog after a relationship ends is enforceable in Massachusetts.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. I need help with post-divorce gift giving etiquette.  After our divorce, my ex bought me a lovely Tiffany necklace from our children for my birthday – I was surprised because money is tight, and our kids are 10 and 12 – they are not shopping at Tiffany. For his birthday, I took the children shopping and let them pick out gifts for him.  We talked about a budget, and I gave them each $30 to spend.  One picked out a new Red Sox hat and the other bought him several pairs of fun socks which they know he loves.  He was upset that I didn’t make a grander gesture.

What is the expectation of gift giving for an ex-spouse on behalf of the children post divorce? With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, I do not want another mis-step like the birthday experience.

A. There is no obligation to buy gifts of any sort for your ex after the divorce. I congratulate both of you on putting your children first and realizing that they will want to give gifts to the other parent for special occasions and, at their ages, do not have an easy means of doing so without your help.

Since you and your ex both realized helping your children give the other gifts is the right thing to do for them, you likely have the kind of relationship where you can have a reasonable conversation about this.  Suggest to him that a gift is more meaningful if the children pick it out themselves. Suggest helping them budget for purchasing a gift so the children learn important lessons about money. You can even suggest that you each have your children do certain chores around the house to help earn the money to pay for the gift.  If he is worried about the quality of the gift, try to agree on a cap on spending so the children have similar budgets in each of your homes.

If you do not have the funds to help your child buy gifts for important events, consider asking an adult on your ex’s side of the family for help.  For example, would a grandparent be accessible to the children and able to take them shopping? If so, maybe your assistance could be to help your children have a conversation with their grandparents about wanting to give their dad a nice gift but not having the money or a way to get to a store – you could even facilitate a visit with his parents on your time to keep the shopping a surprise for him.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com

Q. My ex moved to Florida three years ago. I just got a great job opportunity in North Carolina. He is objecting to my moving our son out of state at the end of the school year. I think the timing would be perfect because he will be heading to middle school so it’s a good time for a transition. I don’t know how my ex can stop me from moving if he doesn’t live here any longer. He told me that just because we move it doesn’t mean we can move our son because our agreement says neither of us can permanently remove him from Massachusetts and he will fight me.

Meanwhile our son spends six weeks each summer with my ex but that is all. He now says we will just have to send him to boarding school in Massachusetts and equally split the summers. Can this really happen? If so, can I make my ex pay for boarding school? He threatened me with contempt.

A. This is a first and I give your ex some originality points for his position but that is all he will get.

The removal statute assumes that at least one parent still lives here with the child and seeks to prevent one parent moving with the child while the other is left behind. If he will not agree to let your son move with you at a time when you have primary custody on account of his leaving the state, I recommend you get his objection in writing and file a complaint for modification seeking immediate removal to North Carolina, attach his written objection and, as part of your relief, ask that he be ordered to pay your legal fees for forcing you to get a court order.

As soon as the complaint is filed, also file an emergency motion for temporary orders asking for permission to move your son at the end of the school year on a temporary basis and let the judge know you will return for a trial if necessary.

You can file a motion for summary judgment once your ex is served with the complaint and the time to file his answer has expired. There are complex and specific rules surrounding the motion for summary judgment when filing in the probate and family court so make sure your lawyer has either filed such a motion before or knows how. This motion will allow the judge to grant your request without the need for a trial and to order your ex pay your legal fees for his denial of your removal request.

As for boarding school, you should not even entertain that notion.

Email questions to whickey@brickjones.com