Q. My husband will not stop signing our kids up for activities. That is one of the reasons our marriage didn’t work. COVID was a nice break when things were a bit more restricted but now he is back at it and arguing that historically they have done all of these things. We have three kids and he thinks they each should have three sports. But now seasons overlap and soccer and basketball are year-round for two of them and hockey is year-round for the other, which really means multiple sports each season for each kid.
His new solution is that on his nights I have to drive one kid and he drives two and on my nights he has to drive one and I drive two. However, true to form, he keeps getting pulled into last-minute emergency meetings that then require me to juggle all three and be in three places at once regardless of whose night it is. How can I make this stop? When I say no, he tells the kids I don’t want to let them play sports, so I am the bad guy.
A. If your divorce is not yet final, now is the time to speak up and say no. If there is going to be a shared parenting plan, the parent on duty needs to be responsible on his/her nights and weekends including making arrangements for transportation for kids to practices and games. You will each have a right to attend the kids’ events on the other’s parenting time but it is not a requirement. So, when he gets pulled into an emergency meeting, he needs a sitter to pick up the slack. It is also entirely reasonable to tell your children if sports overlap in seasons, they need to pick a favorite or else play in town-only settings. It is club sports and extra clinics that typically cause overlap in seasons.
For your piece of mind, figure out carpools to make it work once there is a commitment to certain activities so you do not have to be in three places at once on your nights.
The historical activity argument is often used when post-divorce someone doesn’t want to pay for activities the children have historically done. It is a different matter if you cannot be in three places at once or even two. From that perspective, your desire to limit activities/conflicts is reasonable. If he will not agree to reason, take it up with your mediator or judge. When you pose it as one of the reasons for the divorce and your inability to function in the non-stop life he thrives in, it paints a different picture than his suggestion that you are trying to deprive the children.
There is a happy medium here — you just need to find it.